I know it's been a while but, here I am. Yes, I'm still alive! Things have been so crazy around here these past few months as we gear up for Dan's first deployment. We're very close now and I promise to blog at least once a week while he's gone so I have somewhere to put my thoughts.
So very shortly I will officially be facing our first deployment. Dan is headed to Afghanistan until end of summer and I'm scared shit - I'm not gonna deny that. I'm the girl who cries in the shower these days. I'm scared out of my mind of what he's going to see/do/be around. I'm scared to be a single mom and raise 2 kids. I'm scared to live alone. I'm scared of the unknown. Mostly I'm scared of having to live everyday scared for my husband. I'm prepared to sleep with my phone next to my pillow on the highest ringer possible, stalk the computer for emails or an IM, and to keep the sound up on the computer just in case he manages to get on when I'm not in front of it.
We're day by day preparing Johnathan for what's to come. Even though he doesn't fully understand he does get that Daddy has to go away. He's been very clingy and acting out these past couple days but, kids are alot smarter than we think. I think he also senses my nervousness and acts off of it. For Christmas we got him and Joseph a Daddy Doll (for those of you who don't know what they are go to http://www.hugahero.com/ to check them out), made them a "Daddy Book" full of photos that Johnathan keeps by his bedside and we will look at it everynight or anytime he feels like he needs to "see" Daddy, and Dan recorded a recordable storybook for the boys with a special message at the end for them.
I think we're as prepared as we can be for now. So it's just one day at a time at this point until he leaves and then one day at a time once he's gone. Hopefully the next few months fly by and that everything goes smoothly while he's gone - because c'mon Army Wives we all know shit always hits the fan as soon as they leave! haha. Never fails! Wonder what I'm in for this time! I just keep reminding myself that I'm alot stronger than I think I am and that we can and will get through this!!
Besides the pending deployment here's what's new with the Gulick clan. Johnathan is in preschool and is learning alot. He's fully potty trained, even at night! YES!!!! He can sing his ABC's and is learning his colors (slowly but he's getting there!). He is amazing with his brother - this kid has no patience for anything but when it comes to Joseph he has all the time in the world. It's awesome! He just has his 3rd birthday and let's everyone know he's now 3 haha. Where did the time go! Joseph is crawling and standing up and cruising all over the place!! Holy Crap is he busy now! He's saying "HI!" and just learned how to clap his hands. It's adorable. He's 8 months old already and seems to be doing things a hell of alot earlier than Johnathan did at this age! But, guess he's gotta keep up with his big brother! Dan is preparing to leave and has been amazing through it all and real understanding of my emotional breakdowns haha. And as for me, I'm going back to college!!! This is a HUGE step for me and I'm very excited about it. I'm going to finish my degree in Paralegal Studies and I start next month! Woot!
Sorry it was so long... it's been a long time since I've updated on here. Until next time.......
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Friendship
I've been thinking about this alot lately. What is a friend?
To me a friend is someone that no matter where they are in the world when your world is crashing down they're the first to be there to back you up, stand by you and comfort you - and for me alot of the time that's either over the phone or via the Internet. I'm grateful for the amazing friends I've made over the years and even within these past few months. I remember being in high school and I had TONS of friends and some days I think I miss that - the laughs, the adventures, the fun. But looking back now - 95% of them weren't real friends. Because where are they now? Yeah they live in my facebook now and check in when it's convenient for them, when they see a status and they're curious about it - they check in. Those aren't real friends - they're acquaintances.
Besides for my husband - I have TWO amazing friends from home. TWO that I still keep in touch with day in and day out. TWO that will always hold a special place in my heart, even after all these years.
I grew up on Buchanan Avenue in Sayreville New Jersey - and the day I moved in a little girl came riding down the street on her lavender and white bike and confronted my mom - "Excuse me, do you have any kids?!" I'll never forget that day, because it's the day I met my best friend Janet. We've been friends for almost 18 years now. No matter where we've gone, or what roads we've taken - somehow we always end up back on that same road - TOGETHER. She's seen me through some really tough shit, she's held my hair on nights I was throwing up from being drunk in the woods and we had to hide from my mom, she's laughed with me until we've literally peed our pants and she's been the most amazing friend I've ever had. We have different lives now - but that doesn't change US. Now, that's a real friend.
Sophomore year of High School - Biology class. I met Jen. The girl who somehow needed the entire lab table as her desk with all her books - she never had enough space! She also became one of my best friends that day. It's been almost 11 years since that day and we still sit on the phone for hours upon hours, day after day and just bullshit about our lives, our days. Hell, we even plan our dinners together. Even though I live far away now, that hasn't stopped us from being "attached at the hip". Friends stick together no matter what, and I think Jen and I are the true definition of that.
Now, Army life isn't easy. It takes you away from your life, your home, your norm. It leaves you stranded somewhere new - ALONE. Yes you have your husband or your kids but it leaves you with no friends and starting fresh. But somehow, Army wives do it. I've learned these past, almost 2 years now - that army wives are a different breed of people. I never thought I could ever know anyone who could be so outgoing and friendly and supportive of one another - but we have to be. And that's who we are. You make friends who come and go but somehow stay in touch through it all and manage to support eachother just through a computer! I've met some of the most amazing, lifelong friends on the internet. Yes, my internet friends. Army Wife Chat and Military Issued Love has been a lifesaver for me. If I didn't have those girls, I'm not sure how I would of ended up. A few I've met in real life, most I probably will never meet but I've gotten more support from them when shit has hit the fan than I've gotten from my own family. We are a family, we've become one. From deployments, to safe returns, to (unfortunately) husbands killed in action or wounded in action, to the birth of our babies, to weddings and funerals - we're there through it all. Through a computer. I remember when I gave birth to Joseph - the first place I wanted my baby's picture sent - was the board! Because I KNEW my girls were waiting anxiously for it. I KNEW they've been stalking that site just waiting for his picture and birth story to appear. Those are real friends - friends who are ALWAYS there. People laugh, how can you say you really know someone you just talk to on the internet! HA! I know half of these girls better than I know some people from back home (that I've known for years). They're a huge part of my life and I'm forever grateful for their friendship.
Friendship comes in all shape and sizes and don't ever take one for granted. Because a friend will always get you through - a friend never leaves you alone (even when you feel like there's no hope - a friend always comes along and pull you out of that deep dark hole). My friends are one of a kind - that's for damn sure.
"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are".
To me a friend is someone that no matter where they are in the world when your world is crashing down they're the first to be there to back you up, stand by you and comfort you - and for me alot of the time that's either over the phone or via the Internet. I'm grateful for the amazing friends I've made over the years and even within these past few months. I remember being in high school and I had TONS of friends and some days I think I miss that - the laughs, the adventures, the fun. But looking back now - 95% of them weren't real friends. Because where are they now? Yeah they live in my facebook now and check in when it's convenient for them, when they see a status and they're curious about it - they check in. Those aren't real friends - they're acquaintances.
Besides for my husband - I have TWO amazing friends from home. TWO that I still keep in touch with day in and day out. TWO that will always hold a special place in my heart, even after all these years.
I grew up on Buchanan Avenue in Sayreville New Jersey - and the day I moved in a little girl came riding down the street on her lavender and white bike and confronted my mom - "Excuse me, do you have any kids?!" I'll never forget that day, because it's the day I met my best friend Janet. We've been friends for almost 18 years now. No matter where we've gone, or what roads we've taken - somehow we always end up back on that same road - TOGETHER. She's seen me through some really tough shit, she's held my hair on nights I was throwing up from being drunk in the woods and we had to hide from my mom, she's laughed with me until we've literally peed our pants and she's been the most amazing friend I've ever had. We have different lives now - but that doesn't change US. Now, that's a real friend.
Sophomore year of High School - Biology class. I met Jen. The girl who somehow needed the entire lab table as her desk with all her books - she never had enough space! She also became one of my best friends that day. It's been almost 11 years since that day and we still sit on the phone for hours upon hours, day after day and just bullshit about our lives, our days. Hell, we even plan our dinners together. Even though I live far away now, that hasn't stopped us from being "attached at the hip". Friends stick together no matter what, and I think Jen and I are the true definition of that.
"Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends"
Now, Army life isn't easy. It takes you away from your life, your home, your norm. It leaves you stranded somewhere new - ALONE. Yes you have your husband or your kids but it leaves you with no friends and starting fresh. But somehow, Army wives do it. I've learned these past, almost 2 years now - that army wives are a different breed of people. I never thought I could ever know anyone who could be so outgoing and friendly and supportive of one another - but we have to be. And that's who we are. You make friends who come and go but somehow stay in touch through it all and manage to support eachother just through a computer! I've met some of the most amazing, lifelong friends on the internet. Yes, my internet friends. Army Wife Chat and Military Issued Love has been a lifesaver for me. If I didn't have those girls, I'm not sure how I would of ended up. A few I've met in real life, most I probably will never meet but I've gotten more support from them when shit has hit the fan than I've gotten from my own family. We are a family, we've become one. From deployments, to safe returns, to (unfortunately) husbands killed in action or wounded in action, to the birth of our babies, to weddings and funerals - we're there through it all. Through a computer. I remember when I gave birth to Joseph - the first place I wanted my baby's picture sent - was the board! Because I KNEW my girls were waiting anxiously for it. I KNEW they've been stalking that site just waiting for his picture and birth story to appear. Those are real friends - friends who are ALWAYS there. People laugh, how can you say you really know someone you just talk to on the internet! HA! I know half of these girls better than I know some people from back home (that I've known for years). They're a huge part of my life and I'm forever grateful for their friendship.
Friendship comes in all shape and sizes and don't ever take one for granted. Because a friend will always get you through - a friend never leaves you alone (even when you feel like there's no hope - a friend always comes along and pull you out of that deep dark hole). My friends are one of a kind - that's for damn sure.
"A friend is a hand that is always holding yours, no matter how close or apart you may be. A friend is someone who is always there and will always, always care. A friend is a feeling of forever in your heart"
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I Miss Me
Do you ever feel lost in your own life? Like everything you do, isn't for you anymore. That your life just revolves around everyone else and you're like a robot - doing the same shit day in and day out? That's how I feel lately. Like everyday is just the same. I wake up, shower, dress the kids, yell at the kids, feed the kids, do laundry, clean, make dinner, watch tv, talk to my husband, put the kids in the bath, put the kids to bed, go to sleep - REPEAT. It's a vicious cycle! Sometimes I just miss ME. I miss the old me. The old me who was skinny and got up every morning and got dressed up for work and actually felt beautiful when I looked in the mirror. The old me who had a job outside the house and got to interact with adults all day. I sometimes miss the me who could just get up and go when she wanted and actually sit in a restaurant and have dinner. The old me who lived in the mall and was addicted to shoes. I don't remember the last time I bought something for myself.
But, then I look at my babies and I forget about the old me and I fall right back into that robot state again. Because I do it for them. I do it for my family. Because this is my life now. This is what I'm meant to do. I would do anything for my kids, even give up myself. I know one day when they get older I'll find myself again. I'm looking forward to that. I'm looking forward to the day that my sons will tell me Thank You Mommy and appreciate all that I do for them and appreciate all the sacrifices I had to make for them. But right now they're so little and they need so much of me, that there's no time to take care of me. Plus being an Army wife isn't easy to top it off. It sucks when the Army becomes your husband's mistress because that bitch gets all the attention. But, you deal with it and you move on because you love him and you'll make this life work. Some days its awesome and other days it sucks - just like anything else. I'll follow my husband anywhere and make a life anywhere because this is my family. And family is the most important thing you'll ever have in life.
But, then I look at my babies and I forget about the old me and I fall right back into that robot state again. Because I do it for them. I do it for my family. Because this is my life now. This is what I'm meant to do. I would do anything for my kids, even give up myself. I know one day when they get older I'll find myself again. I'm looking forward to that. I'm looking forward to the day that my sons will tell me Thank You Mommy and appreciate all that I do for them and appreciate all the sacrifices I had to make for them. But right now they're so little and they need so much of me, that there's no time to take care of me. Plus being an Army wife isn't easy to top it off. It sucks when the Army becomes your husband's mistress because that bitch gets all the attention. But, you deal with it and you move on because you love him and you'll make this life work. Some days its awesome and other days it sucks - just like anything else. I'll follow my husband anywhere and make a life anywhere because this is my family. And family is the most important thing you'll ever have in life.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME
* I'm a closet gambler. If you put me in a casino and handed me $1000 I could blow it in 15 minutes and then ask for more because I'm CONVINCED I can win it back.
* I think about my mother and my brother every day and I'm VERY ANGRY that they died. People always tell me how strong I am surviving without them - I'm really not, I just play it off really well. I cry in the shower.
* My dad and I are more alike than he will ever know - that's why we fight so much. I'll always be a daddy's girl - he's he first person I run to.
* I will always tell you that I'm okay - even when I'm not because I hate burdening others with my problems.
* I sing in the shower when no one is home.
* I'm a proud Army wife. Sometimes I say I hate the Army - but deep down it's not so bad. I can see this as a future for us.
* I'm addicted to name brand purses. There's something about the way they feel and smell that gets me all excited. I own way too many.
* I'm a true believer that ice cream solves all problems.
* I tell my husband I hate the XBOX but I play it when he's not home
* I am a shoe fanatic... I LOVE them! But the reason I love them is because no matter how fat you are a shoe will always fit and a nice shoe will always find a way to make you feel sexy.
* I truely believe that hate is a wasted emotion. I've had many people screw me in my life but I will never hate them.
* I love to sing in the car and pretend I'm putting on a concert. I make Johnathan join me and dance.
* I think pregnancy is overrated - I love my babies but I hated being pregnant.
* I can't stand wearing jeans - I only do it when I have to. If it was up to me I'd live in a pair of sweatpants.
* I don't like socks. Even in the winter time it's rare you'll catch me wearing a pair. Barefoot is always the way to go.
* My brother did so many wrong things in his life and I should despise him for that. But I love and miss that boy and I talk to him every night.
* Sometimes I think that because I had boys I can't be like my mother and carry on what she taught me as a parent. But, then I realize that I am like her.
* I'm a homebody. I'd rather have a night in than a night out.
* I fell in love with Dan's eyes the minute I met him. There's something about them that draws you in.
* I'm one of the most jealous people. It's bad, I know.
* I love reading about real life events.. the drama in them is so exciting to me.
* I've been through alot of shitty times. But, deep down I'm proud of myself of what I've accomplished still.
* I've definately learned who my true friends are over the past few years. What's funny is how you can have amazing friends who live in your computer and that you've never actually met in person. I have a few of those :)
* I have an addiction to Taco Bell. If it was up to me I'd eat it everyday.
* I hate doing laundry. I wish I was a millionaire so I could throw my dirty clothes out every time and just buy new.
* I say I don't want any more kids. But, I know deep down I'll always wonder if I could of had a daughter.
* I'm one of the most stubborn people you'll ever meet - I'm always right, even when I'm wrong.
And lastly...
* I'm constantly bored with things. Even if I get something new, within a few days I'm not happy with it anymore and I want something else. Not sure why.
* I think about my mother and my brother every day and I'm VERY ANGRY that they died. People always tell me how strong I am surviving without them - I'm really not, I just play it off really well. I cry in the shower.
* My dad and I are more alike than he will ever know - that's why we fight so much. I'll always be a daddy's girl - he's he first person I run to.
* I will always tell you that I'm okay - even when I'm not because I hate burdening others with my problems.
* I sing in the shower when no one is home.
* I'm a proud Army wife. Sometimes I say I hate the Army - but deep down it's not so bad. I can see this as a future for us.
* I'm addicted to name brand purses. There's something about the way they feel and smell that gets me all excited. I own way too many.
* I'm a true believer that ice cream solves all problems.
* I tell my husband I hate the XBOX but I play it when he's not home
* I am a shoe fanatic... I LOVE them! But the reason I love them is because no matter how fat you are a shoe will always fit and a nice shoe will always find a way to make you feel sexy.
* I truely believe that hate is a wasted emotion. I've had many people screw me in my life but I will never hate them.
* I love to sing in the car and pretend I'm putting on a concert. I make Johnathan join me and dance.
* I think pregnancy is overrated - I love my babies but I hated being pregnant.
* I can't stand wearing jeans - I only do it when I have to. If it was up to me I'd live in a pair of sweatpants.
* I don't like socks. Even in the winter time it's rare you'll catch me wearing a pair. Barefoot is always the way to go.
* My brother did so many wrong things in his life and I should despise him for that. But I love and miss that boy and I talk to him every night.
* Sometimes I think that because I had boys I can't be like my mother and carry on what she taught me as a parent. But, then I realize that I am like her.
* I'm a homebody. I'd rather have a night in than a night out.
* I fell in love with Dan's eyes the minute I met him. There's something about them that draws you in.
* I'm one of the most jealous people. It's bad, I know.
* I love reading about real life events.. the drama in them is so exciting to me.
* I've been through alot of shitty times. But, deep down I'm proud of myself of what I've accomplished still.
* I've definately learned who my true friends are over the past few years. What's funny is how you can have amazing friends who live in your computer and that you've never actually met in person. I have a few of those :)
* I have an addiction to Taco Bell. If it was up to me I'd eat it everyday.
* I hate doing laundry. I wish I was a millionaire so I could throw my dirty clothes out every time and just buy new.
* I say I don't want any more kids. But, I know deep down I'll always wonder if I could of had a daughter.
* I'm one of the most stubborn people you'll ever meet - I'm always right, even when I'm wrong.
And lastly...
* I'm constantly bored with things. Even if I get something new, within a few days I'm not happy with it anymore and I want something else. Not sure why.
September 11, 2001
I can't believe it's been 9 years already! But, the images of that day will be burned in my brain forever. I'll never forget watching it on TV and it seems so unreal - like it was all happening in a movie. My dad works for a tugboat company and his boats were sent over to take people off of Manhatten and bring them to safe areas. I'll never forget the way he smelled when he got home that night. It tooks days for it to go away.
Let's take a moment of silence for all those lost that day and I'd like to thank those who have died fighting for our country because of this. I'd personally like to thank my husband, my hero for standing up and fighting for our beautiful country.
It's amazing how much people came together over this.. let's continue to stick together people.
Never Forget.
Let's take a moment of silence for all those lost that day and I'd like to thank those who have died fighting for our country because of this. I'd personally like to thank my husband, my hero for standing up and fighting for our beautiful country.
It's amazing how much people came together over this.. let's continue to stick together people.
Never Forget.
Friday, September 10, 2010
I Remember...
I guess because I've been alone this past week I've had alot of free time at night while the kids are in bed so, I've had alot of time to sit and think about alot of things. I peek in my kids rooms and watch them sleep and I won't lie, lately I've been tearing up looking at how beautiful they are. And it makes me think back to being a kid myself and makes me realize just how much my mom and my brother are missing out on. I really wish they could of met my babies. I know if my mom was here they would be spoiled rotten. And I know if my brother could of met them, he'd be the first one rolling around on the floor wrestling and whipping out the matchbox cars pretending he's 5 years old again. Sometimes I don't think life is fair. And lately, I've been thinking about them more and more and asking myself "Why?". And I know I'll never get an answer to that question. And I guess that's okay. I know everyone says they are both in a better place now, but I just want them here - with me. Because I'm selfish. HAHA. Let me tell you, you don't realize how much you need your mom, until you can't have her. You don't realize how much your brother means to you and how much you took your relationship for granted until he's not there anymore. I have alot of regrets and "what ifs" but I need to look past them and just live off the memories.
When I drop Johnathan off at preschool, I remember going to preschool myself. BBA in Brooklyn. I remember it had big big windows in the front of it and my mom used to drop me off, go get a cup of coffee and then sit outside the window and watch me because she was afraid to leave me there. When I sit and play with Joseph and he starts laughing - I think of my brother. I remember that deep laugh he used to have as a baby - soooo deep he used to scare himself. It seems no matter what I do these days, I think back to a childhood memory.
I know memories are supposed to be happy and bring a smile to your face and mine do. But, alot of the time it brings a tear to my eye because I realize there are no more memories to be made with them. Just new ones now as we move on. Damn you life, why are you so difficult!
When I drop Johnathan off at preschool, I remember going to preschool myself. BBA in Brooklyn. I remember it had big big windows in the front of it and my mom used to drop me off, go get a cup of coffee and then sit outside the window and watch me because she was afraid to leave me there. When I sit and play with Joseph and he starts laughing - I think of my brother. I remember that deep laugh he used to have as a baby - soooo deep he used to scare himself. It seems no matter what I do these days, I think back to a childhood memory.
I know memories are supposed to be happy and bring a smile to your face and mine do. But, alot of the time it brings a tear to my eye because I realize there are no more memories to be made with them. Just new ones now as we move on. Damn you life, why are you so difficult!
JERSEY SHORE
So anyone else addicted to loving the GTL (Gym, Tanning, Laundry) or GTS (Gym, Tanning, Smush) as Ronnie calls it, this is for you!
So last night was one giant HOLY CRAP of an episode for me! First of all, what was up with the WWE Smackdown event that took place in the kitchen! Where did Sammi get those balls from? She developed this Rocky like attitude out of nowhere! And why doesn't she use them on Ronnie instead of crawling back to him like an idiot after he ADMITS to cheating on her?
So who do you think really won? Jenny or Sammi? After Sammi recovered from Jenny's sleeper hold she broke lose and threw a few combinations of her own, catching Jenny in the face! Even though Jenny walked away with loss of hair extensions and missing two fingernails she seemed unfazed by the whole thing and knew Sammi would get hers later. So, I guess we shall see! I think Sammi's gonna get it later - Jenny is one tough bitch. I do think that Sammi was directing her anger with Ronnie in the wrong place though and took it out on Jenny and then Snookie after they tried to do the right thing by telling her what was going on behind her back. I mean the girls should have told her up front but at the same time didn't wanna start drama in the house - WOW, did that backfire, huh?
Now, the big topic here - the jaw dropper! DUN DUN DUN! VINNY SLEEPS WITH ANGELINA!??!! REALLY?! After they were just talking all that shit about eachother!? This I do not accept. That is just.... gross. First Snookie, now Angelina - what is happening to shy, sweet Vinny!? He's turning into one of the other guys. I wonder if he's still going to try and go after "The Situation's" sister too! I gotta say tho after 2 episodes ago when Snookie admitted that Vinny's very "well endowed" he's got it made once he gets back home! HAHA.
Well I guess that's it... and remember guys there's a new episode on this Sunday too!
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